Usually at this time around, Sunday night or Monday Morning I write my training log with the specific date of that particular week. I haven’t written one in the last 3 weeks. That has never happened since I started blogging. My Mom got diagnosed with Cancer 3 weeks ago and my entire world was shaken by it. I didn’t know how to write about running or my running goals without being honest about what is going on in my life right now. All my running logs are the real me, and my running posts are written from a real place. I just couldn’t find the strength to write about running while experiencing this much emotional pain. At first I thought I should leave it out and only talk about running. How can I possibly do that though, when my daily runs are so affected by what is going on in my life?
I can’t. Not if I want to continue writing real posts about running. Pain is real. That’s what happens. It’s life. As a runner I have to learn to run with this pain. Running has many colors. We run for fitness, for better pants sizes, for clearing our heads, for reflection on our daily lives and for pure enjoyment for the the love of running. I believe that running will support my personal well being while facing emotional hardship.
Since receiving these news on St. Patrick’s Day my running has changed. At least for right now. I didn’t stop running though. I didn’t allow that to happen. As a matter of fact I still maintained around 25 – 28 miles per week. I actually needed to go running more than ever. It gives me time for reflection. Just me and my thoughts. For the first time in a while I have been running without music. The noise in my head is plenty to listen, too. I also run without a Garmin. My body feels like a lead from the emotional stress, so I don’t expect a great pace anyway, and neither do I care. But I still love running, just as much. Every run is around 6 or 7 miles, and I to be honest I could run even longer, if I didn’t need to get home and take care of my family. I’m completely running on co-pilot, my legs are doing the work, so I have time to think, to reflect and to cry.
At the end of the run my pain and my fear isn’t any less, but it was the time by myself that helps, and knowing that my body can carry me through this, no matter how hard it feels. That I can still stand stand during the storm and that I’m strong enough.
Anyways, I mentioned to you that I’m still logging in some good mileage. That always feels good as a runner. My speed work and hill training came to a stand still. I honestly didn’t care either. I just don’t have that fight in me right now. I’m just happy and thankful to still be a runner.
Sunday morning was the 10K Turtle Gallop in Boca Raton. When I woke up at 4:30 am to get ready I really debated in my head if I should stay in bed or get ready for the race. I was just so tired! I didn’t let negative self talk win and an hour later we were all in the car heading out to Boca Raton. I can’t tell you how much I love going to races with Jim and the boys. It’s always a lot of fun. The kids love being around the running community. John was running the 1 mile kids race. The kids race started 5 minutes after the start of the 10K, so I didn’t get to see it, but Jim watched it. We were all so proud of him!
My race went okay. It was super humid along the Atlantic Ocean Sunday morning. I knew in Mile 2 that I needed to slow down, because breathing felt hard. I also didn’t hydrate enough, my throat felt dry. In mile 2 I saw people walking already. When you’re not used to running in humidity and you don’t pace yourself right you run out of steam fast. I slowed down and hoped that hopefully I can pick it up in Mile 3. Mile 3 was still hard. It was Mile 4 when I put on some pace. A runner in front of me had an open lace on her right shoe. I felt so bad for her. She didn’t stop to tie in. She ran with that super long open lace all the way to the finish, which was still 2 miles! I thought that was some dedication. Up to the last 500 m I felt so strong. 2 other runners tried to pass me, but I tried not to let this happen. I took it as a chance to push myself harder. The Finish was down a hill, and just as we turned to run down self-doubt started hitting me. That negative self-talk translated straight into my body. My abs became weaker and my legs started caving. I lost first place in my AG by 1.4 seconds.
We all congratulated each other at the finish for a great race. I just love the running community. That last 500 m sprint was insane. My abs still feel so soar this morning. I took home #2 in my age group. My finishing time was 54:25. That’s my usual time during my outdoor runs on my own without even pushing, but the conditions were hard Sunday morning, we were all happy when we made it through the mugginess.
The best part was John and me meeting up after our race and taking pics. :):) Love all my runs with him. He’s my Little Champion!
This was my week in running:
Mo: no running
Tuesday: 6 miles
Wednesday: 7 miles
Thursday: 6 miles
Friday: no running
Saturday: 3 miles on the treadmill ( it was 90 degrees outside)
Sunday: 6.2 miles
Total Mileage for this week: 28.2 miles
Thanks for reading!:)